


Fear and Mindfulness

by nowweareunstoppable



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flashbacks, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 13:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3251795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowweareunstoppable/pseuds/nowweareunstoppable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Korra awakes from a nightmare still stuck in a flashback. Asami has to pull her out of the Avatar State and back into the present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear and Mindfulness

Korra didn’t know when she started dreaming or when she woke up, or even if she was awake at all. She didn’t know where she was and she didn’t know who was with her but panic was sprinting through her veins and clogging them with fear. Zaheer was standing in front of her commanding his disciples to destroy her. Metal shone in sickly green light.

Asami’s terrified face lay transparently over the top of Zaheer’s leering self-righteous profile, like parallel universes that Korra could not peel apart, no matter how hard she scrabbled at their edges. She didn’t know which one was real and she couldn’t breathe, was so scared, and Raava was roaring within her chest and shaking her skeleton so hard Korra thought her bones would crumble. She wanted to protect, defend, defeat, conquer. The onslaught of power in its rawest form rose up and burst from her mouth and her hands and every pore of her skin and it felt good. The winds screeched from her hands like invisible licks of lightning and Korra would win this time, she would be safe and nothing and nobody was ever going to hurt her again.

Zaheer was begging and pleading with her but he was speaking with Asami’s voice and the shackles around her wrists felt suspiciously like the long-fingered hands she knew so well. Korra wrestled with Raava for a moment, trying to peer through the foggy flashes of Asami’s forehead pressed to hers that shattered again and again into Zaheer swimming through the air and silver spins of poison slinking towards her. 

But, Raava was loath to release her protective bonds that had wrapped around Korra’s lungs and into every nerve ending. The elements begged and clawed at her, writhing under her skin, trying to lift mountains and drown her ghosts and burn the metal from her insides once and for all.

Korra knew she was crying but she was stuck and she couldn’t find her way out of this maze of memories and nightmares and she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to rise up and relinquish all control to the wild, ancient power that had uncoiled itself inside of her chest, but she couldn’t because this wasn’t real. The fear was real, oh yes it was, but Asami was pressed to her side and she was murmuring something over and over in her ear and Korra was on her hands and knees in their bed and Zaheer wasn’t here he wasn’t here.

Unclenching her fist took more willpower than Korra thought she possessed, but the promise of knotting her fingers in Asami’s hair allowed the muscles to unclench, though they rebelled so stubbornly it was like trying to flex a piece of metal rebar without using bending. But, eventually they obeyed her and she pulled Asami even closer to her so she could bury her face in her dark, tangled hair. The familiar smell and softness made Raava finally balk, just long enough for Korra to wrestle back control.

“It was just a dream, I’m safe. It was just a dream, I’m safe,” Korra heaved out, over and over again, unconsciously mimicking what Asami had been soothing into her ear earlier. She didn’t know if she was trying to convince Raava or herself, or if there was even any difference at all. She flickered in and out of the Avatar State, but the winds had died down and Korra finally knew what was real, which was that she was safe on Air Temple Island and that she was probably scaring the crap out of Tenzin’s family, not to mention Asami. 

Korra sucked in a searing breath and sputtered, “I’m awake, it was just a dream, I’m fine, I’m safe,” as forcefully as she could and Raava finally, finally, relaxed inside of her and then it was just Korra crumpled onto her forearms and knees in the room she shared with Asami.

Her rapid, shuddery breathing sounded obscenely loud in the suffocating silence that Raava’s departure left behind. Korra couldn’t tell if she sobbing or just crying from the effort of getting air to flow in and out of her lungs. Asami knelt beside her and her hands were fisted in the back of Korra’s sleep shirt. She was shaking so hard that Korra struggled to pick her face up off of the mattress so she could hold her together, but she was so drained that all she could do was flop onto her side and let momentum carry her over onto her back.

She needn’t have worried because Asami echoed her movements, like she always did, so that she was straddling her hips. She supported herself with one hand while the other stroked its way over Korra’s hair and her cheekbones and then down the length of her nose, ghosting over her lips. Asami’s mouth opened and her lips trembled like she was trying to talk, but now that Korra was awake and safe, Asami’s adrenaline was draining away; the aftershocks of the panic that she’d pushed aside to help Korra were leaking back into her. She cried silently and her tears dropped onto Korra’s face, mixing into the rivulets already running down her dark cheeks.

Korra reached up an arm that shook with exhaustion and tried to wipe Asami’s tears away with her thumb, but Asami tangled her fingers through Korra’s and held her hand still where it was pressed to her cheek.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Korra whispered. Her voice was so soft that it could’ve just been a breath of air. Asami’s fingers tightened around hers and she furiously shook her head.

“Don’t you dare apologize, Korra. You don’t need to say sorry for what’s been done to you.”

Korra tugged her down on top of her so that Asami’s head rested over her breastbone. She was finally able to wrap her arms around the taller girl and she did so with a strength that she didn’t think her muscles still possessed.

“I hate that I scared you. I hate that this is still happening to me,” Korra whispered, choking on a sob.

Asami nuzzled into her chest and sighed. Korra could feel her heartbeat syncing up to Asami’s; both of them still beating too hard and too fast. Asami began to tap along with her index and middle fingers on Korra’s collarbone and set a metronomic pace. Korra’s rhythm immediately responded and she felt her muscles start to loosen. She unconsciously allowed Asami’s body meld against her as she calmed herself.

When Asami answered her, her voice was calmer, though Korra could still feel warm tears collecting in the hollow of her throat. “I don’t think that ‘getting better’ is as easy of a path as people like to think. I think that when you get hurt, your unconscious, primal mind and body band together and work as hard as they can to make sure you never get yourself into that kind of pain again. It doesn’t make much sense to your logical mind, but I like to think every part of you is just working in their own ways to protect you.”

“Well they need to knock it off,” Korra grumbled, and Asami smiled against her neck.

“It’s not what you want to hear, but I think it just takes time. It’s hard to convince every part of yourself to let go of fear and pain. Even if your conscious mind has already, those experiences are still imprinted into the less controllable parts of you.”

Korra was silent for a few moments, mulling over Asami’s words. 

“You’re speaking from experience, aren’t you?”

Asami kept up her steady beat, fingers dancing across the sweep of Korra’s collarbone. “Mmm. I still dream about Mom dying, every once in awhile. I’m not scared of fire the way I was when I was little but I think my subconscious wants to make sure I don’t forget to cherish my life and the lives of my loved ones. Life balances on a razor’s edge. It’s tenuous. That’s why it’s important to be present and ‘be’ in every moment you can. Convincing yourself to be completely present in every moment helps with flashbacks, too.”

Korra closed her eyes and let Asami’s words sink into her. She tried to convince them to fall deep and calm her restless, lingering fears. Her best friend, her lover, her partner must’ve gone through nearly as many reincarnations as Korra herself because she understood the world better Korra herself sometimes. Or, at least, she was able to put it into words in a way Korra had never been good at.

“The way you choose to look at the world, even the bad things… you have the spirit of an Avatar, Asami. What you said about balance and being here in every present moment, that’s an old airbender teaching about developing mindfulness.”

She felt the vibrations of Asami’s chuckle through her ribs, and they warmed her from the inside out.

“Yeah, well, I might’ve sat in on a few of Tenzin’s lessons those years you were gone. You know this place became more of my home than the mansion ever could be. The least I could do was give Tenzin an attentive student for once.”

“You’re smarter than me my leaps and bounds already, can’t you leave at least some of the spiritual stuff to me?” Korra teased, and then asked, “Speaking of Tenzin, where is he? And the rest of the family? I must’ve woken them up.”

Asami pushed herself up on one elbow and peered towards the doorway of their room. It was dark and empty and the house was silent. The paper walls were battered and ripped in a few spots from Korra’s violent air bending, but she hadn’t done as much damage as she’d feared.

“Yeah, they heard of course; Tenzin and Pema ran in when you first went into the Avatar State but I yelled to them that I could handle it, and to trust me. I guess they did, though I’m sure they stayed and made certain we were safe before they went back to bed.”

Korra slung a lazy arm around Asami’s waist and pulled her back down into her embrace.

“Thank you for handling it.”

Asami flushed, “Korra, I didn’t mean it like-“

“No, I’m serious, Asami. Thank you. The only reason I can sleep at all sometimes is because I trust that you’ll be here to wake me up. In every way possible.”

Asami rolled onto Korra and pressed their foreheads together. Her wise green eyes held Korra’s in an unblinking, solemn gaze.

“I love you, and I will always be here. In every lifetime. If you need me, I promise you I will be here.”

Korra didn’t doubt her for a single second.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm really sleepy and I have no idea if this makes much sense or not. I just wanted to write about what it felt like to have the Avatar State take over when Korra wasn't actually in any danger. Then a little bit of Buddhism snuck in there. I don't know guys. It is what it is.


End file.
